Blankets Paths of Broken Glass
by MeredithBrody
Summary: Brody finds out that she's pregnant, and given who the father is, she desperately needs her friends to step up and help her. (Prody)


**I wrote this because PinkAngel17 went away for a couple of days and I was bored... which generally means something nasty happens. For the moment this is aa oneshot, but I could/can/might continue it. I just couldn't resist. It's been on AO3 if you have me over there for a few days, but it's new here. I know I know, I should be writing "Bitter Broken Me" but... you know. Basically the band _As It Is_ are responsible for almost everything I've written recently.  
-Shin xx**

* * *

I get distracted by the greener grass  
But I always find it blankets paths of broken glass  
I tell myself that I'll find my way back home  
But getting lost is so easy on your own  
"Concrete" - As It Is

She had been bedazzled, that was really the only way she could explain what had happened. Meredith Brody didn't let people in, she didn't take chances. This was exactly why. For the first time in decades she'd let someone in, and it had been a disaster. The realisation that he'd tried to kill her twice in 24 hours, once by orders he had given, once himself. She looked at the unholy pink plus sign on the fifth test she'd taken, believing the others were somehow defective. "Shit, shit, shit, shit." Merri had to accept it this time, and she needed help. Opening her phone she called the first number that came up, knowing he'd have some advice, at least. "James, I need help."

"MB? What's wrong." He sounded like she'd woken him up, and looking at the clock she realised it was midnight in London, where James had been for the last several weeks, having been hired by the Telegraph to cover the big referendum over there, though he'd been in Yorkshire the day before when she'd spoken to him, covering the terribly sad assassination of an MP. This would just pile on the pressure.

"I'm pregnant." She announced and sighed, desperately trying not to try. She could feel the tears building up, and she didn't really know what to do. She hadn't truly cried in years. She'd always been busy, she'd always managed to avoid thinking about the things that would break her down. This was challenging all of that, she had no walls for this situation.

"Congratulations?" James faltered, clearly not entirely sure what he was supposed to say She couldn't blame him, she had somewhat sprung the news on him that she was pregnant, and they hadn't seen each other in person in months. She just needed to opinion of James as her best friend, not James as someone she'd once been engaged to, and she felt like be understood that.

"No you don't understand. Russo is the father." Saying it out loud made it all harder, and she just took a deep breath, once again trying to stop herself from crying. This was all too much, how was she expected to keep herself together when this was going on. She didn't want a child, and if she had a child, she didn't want to think of John being the father. Right now though, Merri was going to have to suck it up.

"Wait… The guy you killed a month ago?" James was clearly a little confused, but the protectiveness and the concern for her transferred over in his tone. It was honestly a little nice to hear that, but it didn't stop her from being worried and terrified in equal measures. Emotional preparation had not been possible. Not for this.

"Yeah, he's the last guy I slept with, the only one where the dates match up." She'd worked out dates, and the night she'd spent with Russo, the night before she'd been forced to kill him. "What am I going to do?" That was the biggest question in her life right now, what the hell could she do at all.

"You're going to call Pride as soon as we get off the phone." James was considerably calmer than she was, and of course he was the one who suggested calling King. Eventually that would have occurred to her, but she was so panicked. The only person who could calm her down was the guy on the other end of the phone right now. "You're going to get him to go to your place and you're going to tell him everything." She could imagine James being sat in the room with her, giving her the hug that, right now, she desperately needed.

It was at that moment she thought about the thing that everyone was going to tell her to do, prod and poke her into making a decision. But it was a decision she'd made years earlier. "I can't get rid of it J." She told him, knowing that he'd listen, and that he'd accept what she was saying more than anyone else would, at least at first.

"I know, I remember your opinion." James reassured her, and that suddenly made her feel better. She had support no matter what, and even if there was trouble here, knowing that James would be here if he needed to be. "Are you sure you can do this MB?"

"I have to don't I?" She sighed, thinking about how this was all going down, she just wanted for it to be simple, to be easy. Nothing about what was going on was simple or easy. In fact it was the opposite. Even four weeks after his death he was still finding a way to make that huge mistake haunt her.

"Do you want me to come, I'm only covering the EU referendum." The vote was in less than a week, as she could recall, and James had complained about how much he hated it. He had already voted, as he had a postal vote, he'd explained that to her before. Meant he could vote even if he was off on assignment. "I can make it back to New Orleans."

"I'll be OK with my team, I think." She appreciated the offer, but she knew he needed to work and, in reality, she needed to think about things. James, while being amazing on the phone, in person he tended to distract her. Given that that was how she ended up in that situation, she didn't need it right now.

"The offer is there. I'll come visit soon, either way." James' offer still made her happy, and she was glad that he wasn't pushing her to do anything. He was a really good friend, and she knew that he was continuing to stay as her friend even though their relationship was long since over.

"Thanks J." She smiled a little as she hung up, feeling a little better. At least less likely to burst out crying at any moment. She took a few deep breaths, looking at her phone again she scrolled down to find Pride's number. She waited while she listened through the calls, and Pride answered, sounding a little like he was thinking it was a case. "Can you come over?" She said quietly, worried that he wouldn't take her seriously.

"Merri?" He sounded concerned at the sound of her voice, and that made her actually a little more afraid to tell him, in the strangest way. Pride had never been judgemental, he'd never tried to tell someone what to do, but she was afraid of letting him down.

"I'll explain when you get here." She actually wasn't above begging right now. She really needed him to come, because there was no way that she could tell him over the phone. No way at all that she could actually say it without having him actually there. She'd done it once with James, and she couldn't do it again. "Please King."

"Give me ten minutes." He didn't question, he didn't press. Clearly he knew that something had affected her deeply and that was why she was so panicked. Somehow she wasn't at all surprised that he just did what she wanted. She could actually hear him getting things sorted for her to leave.

"Alright." She agreed and then started pacing around the house, she couldn't seem to settle herself down. Merri knew that being as unsure as she was right now was not going to make any of this easier. She had never expected for this to happen, and she'd never planned for something like this to have happened.

By the time Pride was coming up her steps, Merri was terrified again and back on the verge of crying. She was shaking and panicking, because she didn't know exactly what was going to happen right now. Almost the moment Pride came through the door she felt like he was going to tell her off. A beat passed and he just opened his arms for her. "Merri. Come here."

"I'm pregnant." She muttered quietly into his ear as he held her close. His arms made her feel safe and protected, and that made her feel so much more comfortable. She had managed to get it out, and she felt him squeeze her softly before pulling back, putting his hand on her cheek before speaking.

"Is it…?" He asked quietly, and she knew that he was referring to Russo. While she wasn't known for being promiscuous, she also had a reputation since she'd come here, and he knew that she slept around a little. It had been a few months since that though, and so the only possible father was the man who'd tried to kill them all.

"Yeah, he's the only one." She had prayed that it was someone else, thought she didn't know most of the other people she'd slept with recently, she didn't even remember many of their names. But at least the father wouldn't have been a terrorist. "You know I'm not the most… reliable… with my birth control."

"You're sure?" Pride prodded, and she didn't really mind that because, generally, it was the easiest way to make someone think everything through. But she knew, and she wouldn't be this freaked out if she didn't know for certain.

"I did five tests." He just took her hands in his and somehow managed to not look like this was a big deal. She was slowly but surely working her way into a panic attack, but Pride's arms wrapped around her and made her feel a little more like she could handle this. She doubted that she could, but she was beginning to feel like she could.

"OK. Let's call Loretta in, she can help." That was exactly why James had wanted her to call Pride, she understood now. Pride would be able to see the easiest way to do several things, and he'd be able to make sure she did the most sensible thing.

"I don't want anyone else to know." She knew that the four other members of their federal family would be supportive, not to mention the extended family, and her parents who would have to be told they were going to get a grandchild eventually.

"Do you want me to stay?" He asked quietly giving her another gentle squeeze. She closed her eyes for a few moments and thought about how this felt, and how she felt like her life was slowly spinning out of all control. Doing it alone was not going to be possible.

"Please. I can't be alone to process this, I can't." She just wanted to cry every time she thought about trying to do it alone.

"I'll be right here, I'll call Loretta, then we'll head over to the morgue." He pulled away from her, and almost instantly she felt a little less confident in herself and her ability to do almost anything.

"King." She said quietly before he actually managed to get very far away, or to dial the number for their mutual friend. What she was originally going to say she didn't know, because she froze.

"Yeah?" He replied after a moment, clearly realising that whatever had been in her mind disappeared. She frowned for a minute, thinking about what she'd wanted to say. Instead she thought about his reaction and realised he was much calmer than she would have thought.

"You took this better than I expected." She was not really sure at all about how she expected him to take it. She hadn't known how she was to expect it, and maybe the fact that she hadn't completely shut down was making everything seem surprising.

"Merri, you know how I feel about you, this won't change anything." He leant in and kissed her cheek then whispered in her ear. Something he'd said a month earlier when she'd said that she wasn't ready for him to take the vacation with her, and again when they'd got back when she said that she was almost there. It seemed to be becoming his motto. "I'll wait."

The drive to the morgue was silent, Pride was clearly letting her have time to think through what was happening, and she was grateful for that. All she could think about was what had happened to the man who had gotten her pregnant, wasn't that a fast way to screw up your kid, mom kills dad before you were probably even conceived. She had allowed Pride to explain the situation, and Loretta pulled out the ultrasound machine, after a moment she nodded and spoke. "Yes, you are pregnant. Look here, I'd say about 6 weeks." Clearly, doing the math in her head she figured out who the father was, and likely how Merri herself was feeling about it. "That matches up with…"

"John, I know." She just nodded. Loretta's confirmation was the last thing that she'd ever needed, because it meant that beyond all doubt she was expecting a baby, and that it was with literally the worst man possible. "What am I going to do?"

"There are the obvious options. Have it, have it and get it adopted, or stop it." Loretta's dispassionate summary of the options made her think again, but still she couldn't imagine going through with the last one.

"I can't, I've thought about it before." She shook her head, she'd tried to change her position, her thoughts, on all of that. She just couldn't. The one thing Merri knew was that she couldn't go through that.

"That leaves the other options." Loretta squeezed her shoulders softly, and then pulled her in for a hug too. Merri ended up taking hold of Loretta tightly for a moment, feeling a little like talking to a maternal figure, and that was how it felt when Loretta hugged her too. "You have a few months to decide."

"I can't believe this is actually happening to me." She felt her hands shaking again, and she tried desperately to regain control. Pulling back Loretta squeezed her shoulder again, then just as she was about to fall Pride caught hold of her.

"I'll leave you two alone." She said quietly, and Merri just stood tugging at the threads on her shirt again. None of this was settling in her mind, in fact it was as though she was now completely overloaded. Nothing else was going into her mind, and she was beginning to feel numb to the whole situation.

"Come here, it's alright, Mere." As soon as she was back in his arms she broke down. She gave up trying to be strong and trying to think about all of this logically. It needed to be something that she reacted to emotionally, that she thought through with her heart first before her head would be able to make sense of it. She hadn't really processed what had happened a month earlier, and that was also making all of this harder.

Russo had been a charismatic bad guy, and that was beginning to become her MO. Guys that she really should stay the hell away from. Everything that had happened back then had almost killed her and everyone she cared about. "He tried to kill me twice, in 24 hours, tried to kill all of you… and now I'm having his baby." That was the only thing she could think about right now.

"It's your baby, Merri. Don't think about him." Pride's simple, honest advice was the hardest thing to do right now. She knew that he was right. There was no chance she was going to search out Russo's family about this, this baby was going to be all hers, alone. But forgetting about the circumstances was going to take time.

"I can't not." She ended up whispering, pulling away a few moments later. She was tired now, and she was sick, and she kind of wanted a do-over of the last 6 weeks. That ways she could somehow tell herself not to make a giant mistake that she was probably always going to regret slightly.

"Come on, it's getting late, I'll take you home." He kissed her forehead before starting to walk her out, no doubt thinking that he could text Loretta later, or they'd see her later, given that they lived in the same building.

"Stay with me tonight, please." She couldn't be alone. That was exactly what she didn't need tonight. Even if he was asleep while she paced around the house, at least he'd be there, and she could wake him if she needed anything.

Her house was mostly quiet, and she was trying to not obsess over everything. Pride made her eat, and then made her take a bath then get into bed, before he went and got in the spare room. She tossed and turned for a while, trying to get comfortable. Trying to get off to sleep. It wasn't happening though, not easily. After a couple of hours she gave up, she wanted to get Russo's face out of her mind.

She had thought about just going downstairs, but she didn't think that would help. So instead she went through to the guest bedroom and got into bed with Pride, he was also wide awake, and he'd actually already got himself comfortable with her beside him before he spoke. "What are you doing?"

"I can't sleep." She said first. It wasn't really an explanation of why she was there, but it was something. Getting herself comfortable beside him she looked up at the ceiling and thought. "I just can't drop off."

"Is that unusual?" Pride asked, and she knew that he knew better than to actually have to ask her that. Everyone on the team knew that she didn't sleep, that she hadn't really for years. Insomnia was her constant companion these days.

"Not really, but instead of Emily, today my brain is stuck on John." Which was exactly the opposite of what she wanted, she had said a month ago that she never wanted to think about him again. To her he never existed, until now. "I can't stop thinking about him, about how this baby is half his."

"It's half you Merri, and that's what I'm focusing on." Pride rolled over onto his side and sighed then put his hand on her stomach, making her look down for a moment too then slid her hand on top of his. "It's half of this beautiful, confident, amazing woman who graced my life two years ago and turned it upside down."

"Did I?" She was shocked to hear him describe her that way, as she'd never really thought about it that way. She'd never really thought about anything around how she came to be in New Orleans or how people thought about her.

"Oh yeah. Linda and I had problems, but when she visited that Halloween… she knew there was something between us." That was 18-months ago, Merri hadn't known there was something then. Though she had thought it was fun to be around him, and she'd been happy to hang around him. "Even back then I cared about you more than I should have. More than I normally did. I couldn't imagine you going anywhere, or being with anyone else."

"You were jealous of John?" That was an even bigger shock than how he thought about her. She had known Sebastian and his little crush had had his little jealous streak, but she hadn't picked up on Pride being jealous at all.

"You didn't pick up on that? Chris and Sonja did." Of course they did, they had been able to pay attention to both of them, while she hadn't really been paying attention to anything at all.

"I guess I was too swept away by him." How often was she going to kick herself for this? Years, probably. Even without this she was going to kick herself and blame herself for things. That was the way she always was. This situation was just going to make it harder to pretend she wasn't doing that.

"You were pretty distracted." He turned his hand over and took hold of hers, lifting it up and kissing it gently before he started talking about whatever else was in his mind. "Merri, whatever you need, whatever you want me to be. I'll be right here, I'm your friend, and I love you."

"Dwayne, do you think what we were heading for can still happen?" It was an important question to her right now. They had been moving toward something special, toward something very important, but she didn't know if it would still be possible here.

"I hope so. I love the woman in front of me, not the situation she's in." Merri just stared at him for a second, unable to truly believe that anyone could love her so completely, so honestly. Dwayne Pride was a special person, and she knew that she loved him right back. As she felt his finger trace her cheek she smiled softly, then leant up to kiss him softly. It was a gentle beginning, a promise. They would work this out together, and she would get through it.


End file.
